The Lutheran Church is rotting my kids teeth

It's been a long and interesting weekend. My weekend started at noon on Friday, and ends tomorrow. I'm too tired for a meaningful, well constructed post, so I'm going to dump.

BigBrother stopped wearing diapers to bed, and so 2-3 times a week he wakes up in a pool of pee. He lets us know by slamming the door open to our bedroom, and telling DW "I peed." Since I'm not there 5/7ths of the time, normally DW gets the pleasure of cleaning it all up. But on this particular day, I took up the challenge.

I took him into their bathroom, and took off his clothes.

"Usually mommy gives me a bath."
"Really. That's nice."
"Daddy, normally Mommy gives me a quick bath."
"That's nice to know buddy."

He didn't get a full bath. And he didn't stop letting me know what Mommy does either.

It rained part of the weekend, so we headed out to Bass Pro Outlet. No, not to buy anything, as they only have stuff for outdoorsy people, and I'm allergic to sun. No, they have a monster fish tank with game fish, so the kids love watching them. And they have stuffed Bears, Elk, Deer, Moose, etc. Mommy tells the kids they are "like statues."

Right as we were about to escape the mall, DearWife remembers that she needs a bra. I thank God immediately that there is no Victoria's Secret around. It's a creepy place, with creepy guys, and it smells like potpourri. I can't stop sneezing in that store.

Anyway, they have a BRA store there. So my job is to corral the kids whilst DearWife finds the one perfect bra. (She accidentally recycled the last one). It was slightly surreal to watch my kids running around stands of underwear and picking them up and putting them back.

The worst part was when they found the mannequin. He started feeling it up. "Where's it's bottom?" I think I turned a couple shades of red before I got them away from it.

Today, we went to the local parade. It was shorter than last years, but basically the same stuff. The bellydancers were back. We were at the beginning of the route. So every kid and adult who had candy gave it to my two kids. The end result was that we got 5-6 times the Halloween take. For whatever reason, one of the local Lutheran Churches got us with candy 5 times. Postcards telling us how great they are with hard candy taped to the back. "Come pray with us, and we'll get your kids hopped up on candy." At least I think that's the message.


Kel said...

hmm, we don't have belly dancers . . . may have to look into that . . .

RE: candy - Bob always offers to "hold" everything for the girls so their "hands are free to catch more" . . . somehow he "loses" some each time . . .

Muskyboy said...

Damn Lutherans!!!!!

Peter said...

We Lutherans know how to eat--praise the Lord, and bring a dish to pass!

MIL said...

Yah, and what's a parade without candy!!!!