The other day, DearWife, the boys and I went to the end of our cul-de-sac and rode bikes. One of our neighbors came along with her girls. A few minutes before we were going to head home, BigBrother said he had to go potty.
I had a short internal discussion. "If I take him back, there will be much whining and crying. We won't really be able to come back. It's too close to dinner time. I don't like crying. Letting him pee his pants would probably irritate DearWife."
So I took him inbetween the big pine trees and told him to let loose. DW caught wind of what I was having BB do. She used the 'oh my god I can't believe you are doing this in front of the neighbors' tone of voice and an embarrased smile.
"Khyle, what on earth are you doing? There is a 4 year old girl here!"
It never occured to me that I would be scarring a 4 year old girl by letting BB pee on a pine tree. Besides, why would I want to rob him of one of the great joys of boyhood? The peeing outside is relegated to Cubs fans and boys. Women, of course, just don't understand.
Two days later, we were in the back yard. After a long hot day of the boys wading in our pool, it was time to change into regular clothes. LittleBrother (who, for the record, is going to be referred to as BAM BAM due to his extreme blond hair and general love of throwing things and throwing himself around) decided to get out of all his clothes outside.
DearWife thought it was incredibly cute. Oh, go swing, let me take a picture of your bare ass so I can embarrass you when you bring home your first girlfriend. So she let him run around for 15 minutes in public taking pictures while he was swinging face down.
Just think of the horror should that 4 year old have stepped outside and seen BamBam in all his glory. What would have happened?
Oh, wait. Nothing would have happened. Nevermind.