Last Thursday, DearWife and I took the boys to a kids birthday party. It was at a place called “Pump it up” or something like that. Remember the air-filled bouncy things you played in when you were a kid? There were 5 monster sized bouncy things at this place.
One of the things I learned about myself early on as a Dad was that I was not nearly as calm & cool as I had always thought. I’m a hoverer. Forgive me, but when a toddler is bobbling around on a ceramic tile floor this close to a concussion, I want to be there to catch him. Sue me.
So when BigBrother ran through the obstacle course – 8 times in a row – I had to follow. It’s not easy for a 6’2” 250# guy to run through an inflatable obstacle course that was designed for a 5 year old. Trust me. But the kid was climbing 15 foot walls and sliding down. It was a hell of an accomplishment to keep up with him. Best workout I’ve had since….since…the last time I worked out, which I can’t specifically recall.
Anyway, there were a lot of people there that I knew, but I didn’t spend much time chatting, seeing as I was busy worrying about concussions, and the imminent breakdown brought on by 1 straight hour of jumping up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.
At one moment, I saw a dad taking his 5-ish daughter up the 20 foot slide as she screamed and cried and pleaded for help. I’m pretty sure she didn’t have any permanent damage because shortly after her sliding down she was perfectly fine. The reason I remember this guy is because of his hair. He had the hairdo that I will refer to as the “Spandau Ballet.” Now, I had a similar thing going on….20 years a go. But it was the 80’s….I left the 80’s in the 80’s. If I can tell with certainty that you have bad fashion sense, you are in serious trouble.
Saturday was April Fool’s day, and I got DearWife a couple of times. Both small little tricks. DW and I have had a recurring ‘argument’ about the mini-van purchase. I’ts not an IF question, it’s a when question. My idea is to buy it when we can use it – now. Her idea is to wait until both cars are rusted through and dead on the side of the road. I’m pretty sure that’s an accurate representation of her side….
Anyway, we were eating breakfast, and I went in to check my email (which I do approximately every 30 minutes whether I’m working or not). I say “
“Really? That’s incredible! How awesome is that? Let’s go buy one now.”
She went into the computer room to see APRIL FOOL’S in giant letters. She came back out and said “YOU SUCK.” In a happy, you got me way. BigBrother giggled, turned to me and said “DADDY YOU SUCK HA HA HA.”
DW likes to think that she’s more aware of her surroundings than I am. Just because I came home one day and didn’t notice she painted….While she was working out, the boys and I were doing errands. So right about when she was done, we pulled up directly behind her car – directly in her line of sight. When she came out of the club, I called her. “Hey, we’re just headed back. You know, BigBrother and I were talking about where he gets his ‘awareness’ from. We decided it wasn’t you.”
HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK “Oh, maybe because you wouldn’t notice if we were right behind you….”
Both times, I refrained from the victory dance – I realize payback is a bitch.